1. Be really careful which student you give the marker pen to when inviting them to draw on the whiteboard
2. If struggling to occupy a child, just give them a stack of paper and scissors
3. If someone brings a puppy to the class, don’t bother trying to salvage any part of your lesson plan
4. Don’t ask the students what they’d like to do next, chances are it has nothing to do with learning English
5. When gesturing enthusiastically with the left hand, don’t forget the right, which is now chucking water over a student’s head
6. Before acting out the word ‘fetch’, decide whether you’re prepared to live the rest of your life having panted like a dog with a pen in your mouth, whilst clambering on the floor in full suit attire
7. Check appearance between classes for marker pen Hitler-esque moustache
8. Don’t pretend to know how to spell something when you don’t
9. Remember to clear the board after class, especially when teaching essential body parts and someone has just asked how to spell ‘nipples’
10. Don’t laugh when hearing a student’s name. ‘Porn’ means ‘blessing’ in Thai and ‘Poo’ means ‘crab’
Two One-Way Flights 